sad

SAD

I though besti friend would be e one who will always accept ur
apologies, even if it is
好朋友是唯一那个能够接受你的无理取闹的。
不是应该最能宽容你的缺点的吗？

I equally in need of talkin to u too...
I look forward for it too...
But In the end the apology is not accepted
n
I went home alone...
Totally helpless to given up the hope of sharing my troubles with someone.


I feel sad. ... We are more than normal friends.


........

my cactus

My cactus

I know my cactus lack of wat le.
It lack of security.
haha...

It commit suicide.
My mom accidentally drop it .
N it went all the way down to the ground( i live at 4th floor)
So its e end of it.

Aii...
my second cactus which cant survive more than one month.
Next time must rem to buy insurance for them le.
hahah

:)
Rest in peace
I feel so sad. . .

recently sick

Recently down with flu.

RP will be e best place for virus to spread. FAST. ACCURATE. DIE.
hhaha..
N i am the regular patient who get the virus.
I am sick last week.
Got the virus from my classmates.
Well.

Came to school on that day.
Then too sick to do anything.
So under my faci and friends' persuade.
I went home. I am blamed for being too stubborn.
haha.
cant blame me yeah.

Tat day i actually have work in the evening as usual.
But in e end also cant make it.
So ...

I sleep at home through out the whole day.
Wake up in the afternoon to cook lunch, so
can eat medicine.
Wake up at night to cook dinner, so can eat
medicine.
LHAha.
this is my friday.

But now better le. Today is monday.
Get well soon ba.
Cheers and to all my classmates who are still sick.

:)

MINE...mine...MINE....My catus...haha

Got sunlight
Got water
Got air
Got my care
Wat else?
haha

ediiteed

Edited by wilson....hahaha

想你


想你
我一直都在想你
想着怎么忘记你

黑夜除了挂念
你温暖的微笑
心里盈盈作痛的感觉
已经摸不清也数不楚

不明白
我也一点都不想明白
离开时那一段悲凉已在不久将来化成雪
不会应为你的出现而溶化
也不会因为我的逃避而疆掉

不想你
我一点也不想忘记你
回忆
在一点一滴提醒着我
心里盈盈作痛的感觉已经模糊得不堪一言
只是想告诉你我想你
只是想告诉你我想忘记你

my saturday

My saturday


Today I write a song during work time, but tat doesnt mean today very little people loh. opposite sia...alot of people but buy cheap de stuff. So tired. ...

想你


想你
我一直都在想你
想着这么忘记你

黑夜除了挂念
你微笑温暖
心里盈盈作痛的感觉
已经摸不清也动不着

不明白
我却一点也不想明白
离开时那一段悲凉已在不久将来化成雪
不会应为你的出现而溶化
也不会因为我的逃避而疆掉

不想你
我一点也不想忘记你
回忆
在一点一滴提醒着我
心里盈盈作痛的感觉已经模糊的不堪一言
只是想告诉你我想你
只是想告诉你我想忘记你

colours

Colours!!!

My my....Now cant decide which colour to put on my hair should i go salon for highlighting or buy the package and do it at home. Dono la... Cant really decide. If do it myself sure will be unbalanced de. But it is cheaper. After dyeing hair, I still want to rebond n cut my hair. So which should I choose. someone recommend some ideas?
Nvm.I think today i go choose color with Hua.
Then next time i upload my hair colour photo up.
ahahaha....
Wish mii good luck.
cheers.

recently

Recently


Friends had been discussing about going to Uni recently.
Talkin about their desired Uni... Sharing.
Obviously, I am not contributing it.
Hell. I dont even dare to say I also wanted to go Uni.
Cos I really wanted to go, but i am one kind who look at current state to
predict my future.
Since the day i landed in RP, i doubted...Doubted on my idea
on going Uni.
Well, how am i goin to say proudly tat i am goin to make my way to an desired Poly
when i cant even get into my desired course. haha...
No comment on tat.
Blame who yeah.

Nvm....
At least i am not struggling now.
So......
All e best to year 2 ba..
Jia You

when did i last update

When did i stop updating my blog?

I am not random k! i just felt hopeless with e feeling of not doing things which i have interest in. Thinking of it makes me feel miserable, Wat am i?
When is the last time i do something proud, i cant even rem.
Well, after consulting my Module mentor and my friends-
both secondary and current poly classmates.
I make one U turn back to my original state, which means i am not goin anywhere k.

First, there is no course changing in RP.
Secondly, changing poly needs to start one more year-
which means i will study 4 years of Poly.
Shit la...I am not goin to do that.
Landing up in Poly already let my parents pay so much le,
additional one year of studying means a lot.
Thirdly, my Olevel grade is not enough to get to business course in any poly,
it is a very big risk if i change poly.
Anyway GPA does not help you, can.
Ok...so like wat friend had say, when we cant change things,
we need to find ways to like it.
We do need to survive in this world right,
so whatever the problem,
we need to solve it whether or not it is within your likeness or not.

So here I am...In RP...
Like wat faci said, students here are not stress,
so where need to worry. But isnt it the reason why i am afraid,

frightened of the idea that i am not goin to make a way through my course in future.

Wao

wao... unblievable

guess wat!

Its 8.45 am when i step into class.

N

it is empty.

now is 8.50.

N

it is still empty...

hahah..

i am e only one.

haha.

okok. i am too excited

Any way e lesson start at 9 am.

N today is cuture module.

a surprise

A surprise birthday surprise...

haha...

Here i wish my besti hua a

BERRY

HAPPY

BIRTHDAY.

haha

I brought a group of friends to her house with presents

n

cakes and drinks.

Guess wat!!!

She is bathin at tat time...

so wat we do?

we went inside her house then sit there in her living room

Her parents n siblings all at home.

So we didnt make any sound and waited...

N

haha...

with a towel on top of her wet head, she stare at us

like we went to e wrong house like tat.

haha

...

Ok ...

we took photos together

eat cake

sing song.

see her unpack the presents

read the hand made birthday card which

is made by mii and with all of our wishes in there.

...

really

i can see her tears coming.

.....

No need to tank mii de

I just feel sad tat u have ur birthday for 2007 with only

ur family members.

IT must be a memorable one with lots of friends wishes

damn O level

It wont affect ur day with us de.

....

cheers

my besti...

after O

we will celebrate..

JIa you!!!

Dont matter.

Life is gettin boring.

Lol.

No achivements.

Nothing matters.

Just slackin

Both emotionally and physically.

I hate school.

Dont bother....NOthing matters.

Sucks. present. When is goin to lead to future.

Why bother...

Try-deep thought...

Try

My cousins- two of them.
My once so caring cousins.
2 days before i had a chat with one of them online.
though both of them may be in china at e moment
n get married and have their own children and home.
.....

But they still, they did STILL
believe in mii, they always will encourage mii
n say they know i will always try my best.
.....

I am in deep thought everytime i chat with them.
no matter how many years had been apart,
they still care about my progress.
.....
one my cousin says that "if u didnt try, how would you no u cant do it"
I rem when they had been there for mii when i start primary school,
with my parents who are uneducated, these 2 cousins taught mii
most of e morale values and education.

......
They brought my brother n mii to e first library
exploration in our life after
we step into Singapore. Bringing their future wife along,
i felt e happiness of
a family goin out together. My parents didnt even go to library be4,
if not becos of my
cousins, i think i would not fall in love with e enjoyment of the novels.
The type of love i have for them is not easy to
express, it somehow become a gratitude towards them.
.....
I suppose i did afraid to call them- long distance call,
sometimes avoided to talk to them on phone.
......
Dont mistaken mii
.....
I am just
just too embarrase to face them.
Listening to their encouragements, i felt heavy- in my heart.
Wat had i done after they left mii, did i done some thing proud.
.....
NO. I told them how unsuccessful i had become, but they
did not agree with mii.
they believed in mii n wanted mii to try.

.....
tears rises to the eyelid.
swallowed it into the small corner in my own little space.

......

Deed thought....

Ur birthday

Its an empty promise in mii

Oct coming.

Ur birthday cames...

out of no where, i am afraid.

cos its something which is related to u.

13 th of oct.

ur birthday....

Thought of gettin u a present months before.

.....

Don ask mii y

......

Ever since i saw ur msn picture with her.

I know.I knew.

I am foolish.....

Buyin a present for u is not the major thing.

IF i buy it, it would become another thing which

is related to u.

I wan nothin more from u.

cos u r hers.

" the one who can heal ur past wounds"

sound familiar yeah?

haha...

lol

........

Ever being so foolish?

Dont ask me y!

Dont ask me why!

I am jus tryin to find some to express out my

feelings.
Since when, i realise i am being to soft in my feelings.

I depended and needed friends so much.

which resulted in me not able to control my own

feelings when friends start to

stay away from me, betray me or

dont talk to me.

I tend to imagine alot of stuf when u suddenly don talk to mii

I feel it, somehow with no explanation.

just feel not right.

Then u will see me emoing down there...

don ask mii y.

i cared thats y i tend to think alot.

This new class, really hope i can blend into it.

with new friends, its a beginning.

I missed my last class.

misses.....

Don be mistaken tat i am€ not happy in my new class

just tat don have the feelin like e previous class

Dont ask mii y./.\"

I just dont like people to dislike mii.

I am being stupid enough

to make sure i bring laughter.

I have always treated everyone nice.

With a sincere smile.

I am afraid of losing anyone of u.

Really.

But i must rem something,

i cant be tat good.

not possible to make everyone like mii..

no matter how good or sincere i am

there will always have people who disagree with u.

I need to change my mindset.

Hoping too much

only ending up hurting urself.

So why not

hope for something low and

safe urself from injuries.

Damn system

RP RJ system...damn it

Stupid this system la, need to sent in RJ by 12am.

If not then will bann u outside.

So frustrated sia.
do finish then can sent it.
I cant connect to the internet thus
by the time i am able to sign in to LEO,

it is 12.01- RJ summison closed.
damn damn hell la.

Just short of 1 min lei. /.\''

.......

ok, i sent the RJ by attachment to the Faci.
All the best la, hope he still can accept it.

LOL!!

.......

Nvm.forget it.

lets talk about the tuition which i gave today.

Last min lookin through my Outlook email,
saw that there is suppose to have a tuition thing

in e afternoon.

No money for it, so it is considered as
volunteer work.
Under my IG- Service learning club.
these group teens are from the YMCA- youth at risk.
So after lesson finish at 4.30, other friends who are
also under this project meet together

anD
off we go to the tuition center to meet the teens
.....

Hhaah.

guess wat

some of them were smoking outside when we reach..
haha.nothing to comment about that.
......

They can be really dramatic and can do stuff which makes u laugh till tears appear.

n also stuff which will makes u scream on top

of ur voice.

haha. Luckily the teen which i teach with Misa is a willin to learn person.

These teens are having their exams these coming weeks.

So consider as last min revision ba.
.....

So concluding wat i felt, i don think they are prepared for the exam.

mmm...
but it is good tat e guy which i taught is showing signs tat he want to learn.
.....

okide.

2moro will also go to teach these teens again.
all the best to mii n them.

haha...

Jia you

Updating...process

Planned to meet hua at 6.30 tis morning to play badminton.Wao...:)
Guess wat.

I wake up at 8.30 in a jerk to see hua's sms tat says
she don wan to play badminton le.

Hhaa.Luckily she says tat...cos i wake up late too.

...

So as usual, work e whole day.
Today business super good.
short of 14 bucks can meet target of 6oo dollars

lol. I nearly go out and snatch passerby n force them buy.

haha...well.Tat is for e day.

Super duper tired.

....

tat guardian shop's sales assitant told mii yesterday
tat they will call me today for the confirmation of the job.

lol. waited n waited.....

Silent mode sia./.\''

dono 2moro after school wan go ask again mah

really lookin for 1 more job..
Pitiful bank account.

lol..
........

2moro school reopen again.

life goes on

sian.

go school
after school
weekend

work

hang out with friends.

'='

Where is my target n my goal.

Really don let my self look down on myself one day.

.....

cheers
Jia You

Moon cake festival.

Hey, wat is today?

So mooncake for today? not tat significance la. But when u are celebrating with a group of friends then i can i say it is meaningful. Today i really had my schedule fully packed, after lesson ended, i rushed my rj but didnt manage to finish it. After tat i rush for the YMCA briefing at 5 pm, which is actually the day with the teenagers from youth at risk and i had actually forget about tat. I thought is only a briefing or something on YMCA.

Well, from the last time i saw them until now, it had been over a month le, thus i do not really remember their names already. Nvm, nt e main point. So we played games together and chit chat till 6 something and then we had this reflection time when all of us including the planner and the youths are sitting down n share about how they feel of the day playing the games which we had arranged. And it is also e time when the youths are able to come out with more ideas on e type of games which they would like to have during the next session. Their exams are starting from next week but the guys obviously did not wnt to have any revision or help from us. Only tat two girls are asking for help on revising. All of them are from normal tech n achedemic, and are at a risk of being expelled from school. So planning games for them is to help them spent their time wisely rather than smoke and loitter around blocks. But for the revison part, we as the planners are willing to help them if they wanted our advice or revision. So if they dont want, we also cant do anything.

After our dismisal with e youths, I saw B de msg n miss call. I am really sorry tat i did not reply cos we are puttin our bags aside when playing the games. So he msg me to tell him when i had finish, but it is like 45 min later then i reply him. So when i called him back, he is at his house lift n reaching home. He says he not feelin well so he go home first. Well, we chatted on phone during my way to causeway to meet my friends.

The whole session of the YMCA end earlier than expected, from expecting 8pm to 6pm. So too earlier to stand at the control station to wait for vinci and Hao to come when we are actually meeting at 8.30. So i sms them to come earlier, luckily they are able to come out asap. Inbetween e time of waitin, Afika n me went to have an ice cream at Mac, to pass my time n hers as she is waitin for her parents.

After meeting with Vinci n Hao, we went to have dinner at Sweensen to celebrate Hao's belated birthday. Haha. Hope she is happy with the present which i had bought from my shop. So we happily eated our orders and after tat, i start to continue my Rj cos i am goin to meet another group of friends after we had dinner together. Luckily inside sweensen, there is wireless available. So manage to finish up RJ and summit it on time.

With e RJ summited, i can go enjoy myself with the other friends le. Yiwen n his boyfriend, Qiao min, her god brother n xiao hui. We went to this open area or open roof on top of one of the blocks at bukit batok. There is so nice as the moon is directly on top of u and the space is so big tat you can do anything. Nothing covered from u, so it is so relaxing. So we light up a love shape candles- with hundred time of failure due to strong wind. haha. then we also play lanterns together and other stuffs which i dono wat it is called. Aiii...Mom called to rush me home so bo bian, i went home first with them stopping a taxi for me. Thanks sia, u can just imagine the driver's face when he saw so many people wavin for one taxi and turn out to be only 1 passenger. haha. Well i really did enjoy my self though i know them only recently. N very pai sei tat i did not pay for any of the lanterns n candles n firework.haha.they are so nice. really. It is fun. So by the time i reach home it is 12.30am liao le, so now i really need to go sleep le. 2moro school again.

Let me scan through

Let Miii Scan through...

I also not sure when did i start to like my e last word of my name-"xia" with e meaning as rosy cloud. Think of it, being a cloud, i can be anything and warm towards anything. haha. Well...Nice to feel tat way now n then, it will makes my life more meaningful yeah.haha.

Let me see, in the past i thought i like raining, i like to let it fall on me (of cos when there is nothing important which i carried). As i always choose to believe tat the cool raindrop would rinse away all e unhappiness. Listenin to the raindrops fallin is like clicking on the backspace on our keyboard. Well. tat will be e past, as now i don really like to feel tat way as i understand that no matter how heavy e rain can be, in the end troubles are still there.

Now i don really like raining tat much, i began to fall in love with the scene after raining. Not e sun rising up afte rain, just the fresh feelings of the world which seems to be washed clean by the rain. Even the breeze feels so cooling, even e air can be so clean. Maybe it gives me a feeling of fresh and clean, just like a new beginning. mmm.Life is full of this n that, things which u like tend to changes over time when you met with different stages of people.

Among the leaves, i like autumm leaves e most. looking at them drop down makes me sad but looking at them shine under the sun makes me feel so warm. Ok. this post is really not gettin anywhere, not for u guys to no more about me but for myself to know where i am. So people out there, u can choose to close one eye or both also can.

Being realistic

So how much does 2 semester differs?



let me see...if i say the first week during the first semester, i got all As for all the modules. But now for e first week of the 2nd semester, i had being getting 2 Bs le. ok. see the difference? haha. Let me eleborate further.



Having a new class for 2nd semester, i really feel the tension. Not the tension between new classmates, it is a non-verbal tension. It is wat i felt in my heart only. This new class is very different from previous one, everyone present so well. Really stress sometimes when need to compete silently for a good grade, in a class where everyone are able to show that they are discussing well and present so well. It is kind of hard to get a good grade like before.


Past friends given up?

Sometimes being more tensed up with the problem, i choose not to go for breakouts but went to have lunch with my new classmates after we had finished doing our work. This makes our work easier when we are able to go back class together and do work together. But i did not forget my past classmates, really! In my life, i treasure friendship the most after my family. So my friends please dont doubt on me when i say i treasure our friendship. When i say i miss e times when we laugh together and joke around, dont ever doubt on me.

Friends out there, i really apologised for my behavior of stayin away with u guys. I havin realistic, really, too much things makes me lost trust in friends believin tat they will be there for you no matter wat. I also not sure when did i start to tell myself tat friends are not forever, they will leave u one day. Betrayin by friends makes mii feel tat way so please don blame me for being too realistic. I only understand tat i treasure my friends as long as i am with them. Overall, i really treasure friends.

searching

Searching

I am searchin n finding n found tat i am beyond my own control. I do so many stupid stuff, believing people who i should not believe. Doin stuff which i shouldnt do. I lost it, my way forward. i lost track of how fast the time goes. Kind of calm in e surface but deep in my heart i had lost my way. I became more n more not knowin who should i believe and start to like lookin at blank pages of the new blog post n put my feelings in it without writting them down.

My friend laugh at me, she says i like to write my blog with content which is connected to Him. Well, i told her tat i did not write anything about him since e day i saw him with his new girl friend's photo on msn. I dont deny tat i had been lookin at blank posts now and then but dont dare to write any thing down. Writting them down would become a fullstop between us, even friendship. Tat would mean i had nothin to do with him any more. After a week now, i write this down. A fullstop. We had not being contacting each other for a long time. of cos he would be happy for tat la. dots.

THE END

School reopen 2moro

School reopen 2moro lei. SIanzzz....rather earn money. lol.

New semester

New group of friends

New facilitator

New class

New way of engagement

New feeling

All e best to me.

So here goes my 100 bucks...

So here goes my 100 bucks...


2day die die also must spent some of my salary before school reopen. Yeah, agree with me ba. Need to treat myself good de ma. Work for 3 weeks le, so nvm to spent so much in one day. Wanting n her sis n me meet at CCk de plateform and off we go to Bugis to shop, she so reluctant to go cos she just went there recently n had spent an amount at there too.





In e end still went with me and in the end it turns out to be my turn to regret coming to Bugis, cos i really buy things without blinking my eyes. Haaa. We eat our lunch then buy drinks, then buy food then shop. Wao, i think i bought everything i want le. Shoes, watch, 2 shirts, shorts, belts, then after shoppin we go have our dinner. QQ mian which cost $4 bucks each, it is nice loh. haha. So after paying for my dinner, i realise tat i only got $1 left in my wallet, pity myself then but tat evil friend of mine still ask me to use up tat $1 on drink. haha. ... Really bought alot and we nearly shop every where of the bugis street le. It is a very satisfied day, i spent over hundreds in one go. Nvm, wanting spent more then me so i am not tat sad la. Nice n fun day spent at bugis, money can make e world goes round, true in many sense loh.

Though window shoppin maybe fun, but having money to get those stuff which u wan is more fun. haha. Friends rox, money rox too. Well, friends more la. hehexxx...

Words sometimes cant help to express your feelings.

Words sometimes cant help to express your feelings.

Really don know how to express my feelings in blog sometimes, after my last post here, i often look at the blank page and thought of wat i am goin to express here but end up writtin nothin.

When you feel sad, real sad, it is more than words to express, that is why i hesitate to write down my feelings for the previous days. I thought of writtin more about him, who is in my previous memory but I understand tat if i do more things which is related about him, i would end up hurting myself more. In the past, i thought tat he had actually broken the promises he made and recently i started to doubt on my thinkin. Did he really promise anything? Nop, even if he had, the promises had already gone sour and weight as light as the feather. I find tat the best word to describe about us is fullstop. Short, simple, nice and clear cut.

When you end a relationship, no one is at wrong, no one at all, it is only who don treasure who. He just only found someone who he thought tat he wanted to treasure, so wats wrong with tat. Nah...rubbish. Ok. I am just givin my self some where to come down the stage before embarrasing myself further. haha. Nvm. Really a fullstop. Just like my pair of star earrings which broken into two parts last night, a nice fullstop although i really like tat pair of earrings.

Well, today go find my friend jinhua at lot one at 4 something, she is doin her homework there, so i brought my laptop along to play games.haha. At the same time, Wanting sms me and ask mii whether i wan go eat dinner, but just meet jinhua and we are still waiting for another friend of us to come so i thought of maybe wanting can come to library to find us then later we can have dinner together. She dont wan to join us, but only her go eat dinner herself cos Sandra cant meet her as she is workin.

I felt bad about it for not accompany her to eat cos i can hear from her voice tat she is not feelin happy when i called her and ask her where she was. U see. i am very sensitive de, i told her tat i am at library and when she is also at library, she don even wan to come find mii. So i thought maybe she is really not happy and sad over something. She wanted to be alone tat time, or maybe she wanted someone to be there but no one right. Me with my friends, Sandra workin and chaileng too. Really sorry about tat, but 2moro we two are goin bugis yeah.haha.my off day too. so maybe she can share with me more. Hope so. Ok i will end here for today.

Nothin.just...

Nothin.just...

His ex found her happiness.
-i thought of how he feel and feel sad about it.
Now he found his happiness.
-i thought of how i feel and feel sad about it. pain.
-nvm, he found it. She is sweet as he described. good.


Fullstop

Next meeting yeh?

Next meeting yeh?

so after sayin bye to jinhua, i went home. Thought of doin something before meeting wanting for dinner. But guess wat, when i reach home, i heard piano sound comin from my neighbour's house. Wao, they bought a piano, so open e door n went to take a look. In e end, invited inside their house and chat for few hours. haha... So nice loh. Though the piano is second hand de, which cost over 2 thousands, but still better than my house, don even have one. I thought of learnin piano n havin a piano in my house since primary school. But a dream is a dream, my parents don let, they don see e need. But i really wan to learn, sure need to pay for my own if i wan a piano n learn how to play. So let my dream wait ba, like wat my father said before, if really bought a piano, then u need to get rid of ur bed loh. Cos no space in the house to put the piano.haha...dots.dono cry or laugh. Piano? haiz...

So back to topic, when i reach home, i realise it is exactly 6 pm. Which is the time tat i am goin to meet wanting for dinner. Luckily she sms me tat she will be late too, so i went to sweep the floor first before goin to meet her. The mrt which i took stop at Cck de platform, but did nt open e door, it stop then move on to yew tee. Think got some problem, dono la. only no tat i need to take an u turn back to cck.. heard from wanting she also met the same situation before me.

We went to the food junction to have our dinner, both wan to save money so can guess wat we buy? we bought yong tou fu, total $5, 2 bowl of plain mee feng n one bowl of varieties. haha...Then we also hang out at the library. N found tat the book which i lend to my friend is overdued-$2.70. heart pain lei.dots...nvm.After chattin, we went to shop around to see wat present can we buy for guys then go to toilet- photo takin yeh? But wantin says she cant take photo with tat t-shirt which she wear. Then after tat, we bought ice cream for each other n sit inside mac to eat. She says no money, but i buy 60 cent de ice cream while she bought 1.50 cents de. dots...We chatted till 10 pm, n i went home first cos ting say she wanted to sit there for a while longer.