2nd day of 2009

2nd day of 2009







counting down to 7 days, then i am 20 le.
oh man, its 20. Starting with 2.
well well well....
now cant act cute le. whahahhaha...

thinking back now, i haven really done anything broad
or very memorable thing when i am below 20.
maybe i should try something like bare swimming....
hwahhahahhahaha.
lol. sure no problem, cos no one bother to see.
mmm...



let me see, let me think...
i think my teenage life is rather plain,
gone to pub once, go to club twice.
gone drinking once a while. (limited in drinking)
mmm.
then gone crazy once a while,
like dating online guy who is living in neighbourhood.
nearly gone into different race relationship, jie-di lian,
and anyhow try try out relationship..
I think i really nothin better to do loh, tats y if got chance to do something
out of my original life, i will do it.
I can say that my love relationship is rather 'anyhow' before i met my dear as classmate.
its e first time i think seriously of future.
.......

well, people may think why i wanted to try interesting things before i turn 20.
cos i just don wan to turn old one day recalling tat i haven really done anything exciting.
>>>>>>

i have being a very very good student for a long time, till one day i realize
being guai is not e type who can survive in this world.
once i am being outclassed by classmates for being teachers' good student.
When u are forced to be the role model in teacher's eyes,
u are also becoming the needle in friends eyes.



I am a very very emotional girl, thus i really care alot of other peoples thoughts about me.
my confident and support comes from people around me.
when i am young, i thought friends were everything. i dont think i can live
without friends. tats y those who are friends, i can swear i dint backstab before.
when i am younger(primary), i thought the only way to have less classmates to hate me
and to have more friends is to become a normal grade student.
thus i reject my p4 teacher's recommendation to become Prefect,
can see tat i really wan to be normal... i don wan to be e best,
i just wan to receive more loves from friends.
...........

when i reached secondary school, i turn more n more to become a normal quiet student.
i just do my work, submit my work, i don wan attention from teachers.
but i think i do wan attention from my parents, thus i still try hard to get grades,
but becoming lazier n lazier each year.
i get rather good results to promote to sec 3E2. second best class,
and after tat i successfully become a too normal student, with very normal grades
and normal attention from teachers.
nothin special about my grades and nothing interesting to mention about my progress.
in primary school, i can be the star standing on the stage.
my role changed to an audience in sec 3 n 4 life. I become the one clapping, not the one being applause at.
..................

i swear i am not going to be a good/guai student, thus i turn towards becoming bad.
actually don dare to be over bad anyway... I am still a coward after all.
e worse thing i ever tried is smoking. when i am very young, when i am stil a kid, i tried it with my cousins. one puff and thats it.... cough cough cough.
hahahaha.
when i am teenager i tried once, and same thing happens.... cough cough cough.
hahahahhahaha...
i can never turn too bad, i think.
thus being bad depend not only on fate, it also depend on courage. isnt it?
-------------------------

i rem looking back at my photos when i am still a young kid.
i cant find a trace of smile on my face in the photos which i took.
i am rather a emoing type of child since i am borned.
cos i am a girl, tats my parents were given a chance to give me away or keep.
my grandma managed to persuade to keep me.
~



i was borned not knowing tat i am not being welcomed,
tats y i came to this world hope to collect more love to build up my confidence.
i will be living in this world for 20 years soon.
i have got everything.... one should be contented.
thinking back now, i have done really silly things to prevent letting go the ones which
i wanted to myself.
.............
i started giving up on studies when i am in sec 3.
i actually thought of just get into some where to study canle.
i lost the motivation, i cant find them in my family.
i needed love, rem? i gained confidence through the support of the people who i love.
when they dont believe tat i am goin to get to a uni, i thought maybe tats it. tats
how long i can go in my school life.
....
i rem when i am being top in primary school is because i am moving towards wat my cousin think i can do. he gives me the image of my pretty future where i can see my self graduating in university. but i lost the support since he went back to china. my parents don believe i can go far. n i just think so too.
......


well, i am not a sporty girl, not a attractive girl, not a adventurous type.
i am afraid, terrified of height (cos being pushed down during sec 3 camp(flying fox)
i cant swim, cos nearly drowned...
i cant wear bikini, cos i don wan to laugh at myself first.
i cant go clubbing, cos all i can do is sit there n look at those slim bodies dancing there.
N i cant drink... saddest of all.
i cant ride bicycle, cos i fall down(over the big stone) with my father when i am a kid.
i cant do anything outdoor. OK! i can walk, play badminton, throw ball and hit by the ball.
.........
few days more i am turning 20,
then i am getting married,
then i am going to be mother, grandmother... then i will
say bb.
but before i get married, i wanted to achieve something.
anything tat i can achieve needs some confidence.
....
oh ya till now i haven get the chance to go other countries by myself.
i only went to china(hometown) n singapore.whahahha...
.....
now i am studying in poly year 2, going to year 3 very soon(2months more)
then i am 21, whahahah. sians.
after am over 20, don think u will heard me mentioning about my age le.
k. don ask me hoh.


LOTES OF CONFIDENCE FOR MYSELF