separatedx

Separated

walking in the rain today.
it really did kill the flame in my heart
i will not wan anything anymore...
GONE.

I walk all the way through the rain like no one business.
only at this point of time, even u cry also know one notice.
but i cant feel my tears though, think i have them all out
in the toilet le ba.
i have thought it through.
really think alot
there are more quarrels than i thought.
big n small.
now can still quarrel in public like no one business.
but i am still a girl. i still wan the face.
but i seems to get nothin of tat.
i am drenched but now have a clearer mind le.

girls need to pamper, cos they are emotional.
they are selfish in this area. thought it is reasonable to request to be pamper.
when they cry they need comfort. not shouts.

pamper yourself, buy something

Pamper yourself, buy something

new year is coming, find something to pamper yourself.

hamperchewyflux.blogspot

I felt xxx

I felt xxx






i feel moody,
i feel tired,
i feel sleepy,
i feel stressed,
i feel lost

I feel like running away from everyone.
i don wan to celebrate wat birthday.
just don remind me of more responsibility and my future.
I wanted to have only now, this min, this sec.

Not up to standard

Not up to standard





Thought of showing myself that i can make a difference.
Find e chance, prove myself, joined Council.
But i realize i am still not tat good to get things done by my own.
As days went by, i thought tat maybe i should just mind my own business.
Just be a good student, attend my lesson and Graduate with my own business.

Fed up with school life. I wanted a goal. It is there but i am not working on it.
I thought, i thought maybe i can still be the star but
what have i done.
I am plain lazy.

Today is my first day of school
ZZZZZ

2nd day of 2009

2nd day of 2009







counting down to 7 days, then i am 20 le.
oh man, its 20. Starting with 2.
well well well....
now cant act cute le. whahahhaha...

thinking back now, i haven really done anything broad
or very memorable thing when i am below 20.
maybe i should try something like bare swimming....
hwahhahahhahaha.
lol. sure no problem, cos no one bother to see.
mmm...



let me see, let me think...
i think my teenage life is rather plain,
gone to pub once, go to club twice.
gone drinking once a while. (limited in drinking)
mmm.
then gone crazy once a while,
like dating online guy who is living in neighbourhood.
nearly gone into different race relationship, jie-di lian,
and anyhow try try out relationship..
I think i really nothin better to do loh, tats y if got chance to do something
out of my original life, i will do it.
I can say that my love relationship is rather 'anyhow' before i met my dear as classmate.
its e first time i think seriously of future.
.......

well, people may think why i wanted to try interesting things before i turn 20.
cos i just don wan to turn old one day recalling tat i haven really done anything exciting.
>>>>>>

i have being a very very good student for a long time, till one day i realize
being guai is not e type who can survive in this world.
once i am being outclassed by classmates for being teachers' good student.
When u are forced to be the role model in teacher's eyes,
u are also becoming the needle in friends eyes.



I am a very very emotional girl, thus i really care alot of other peoples thoughts about me.
my confident and support comes from people around me.
when i am young, i thought friends were everything. i dont think i can live
without friends. tats y those who are friends, i can swear i dint backstab before.
when i am younger(primary), i thought the only way to have less classmates to hate me
and to have more friends is to become a normal grade student.
thus i reject my p4 teacher's recommendation to become Prefect,
can see tat i really wan to be normal... i don wan to be e best,
i just wan to receive more loves from friends.
...........

when i reached secondary school, i turn more n more to become a normal quiet student.
i just do my work, submit my work, i don wan attention from teachers.
but i think i do wan attention from my parents, thus i still try hard to get grades,
but becoming lazier n lazier each year.
i get rather good results to promote to sec 3E2. second best class,
and after tat i successfully become a too normal student, with very normal grades
and normal attention from teachers.
nothin special about my grades and nothing interesting to mention about my progress.
in primary school, i can be the star standing on the stage.
my role changed to an audience in sec 3 n 4 life. I become the one clapping, not the one being applause at.
..................

i swear i am not going to be a good/guai student, thus i turn towards becoming bad.
actually don dare to be over bad anyway... I am still a coward after all.
e worse thing i ever tried is smoking. when i am very young, when i am stil a kid, i tried it with my cousins. one puff and thats it.... cough cough cough.
hahahaha.
when i am teenager i tried once, and same thing happens.... cough cough cough.
hahahahhahaha...
i can never turn too bad, i think.
thus being bad depend not only on fate, it also depend on courage. isnt it?
-------------------------

i rem looking back at my photos when i am still a young kid.
i cant find a trace of smile on my face in the photos which i took.
i am rather a emoing type of child since i am borned.
cos i am a girl, tats my parents were given a chance to give me away or keep.
my grandma managed to persuade to keep me.
~



i was borned not knowing tat i am not being welcomed,
tats y i came to this world hope to collect more love to build up my confidence.
i will be living in this world for 20 years soon.
i have got everything.... one should be contented.
thinking back now, i have done really silly things to prevent letting go the ones which
i wanted to myself.
.............
i started giving up on studies when i am in sec 3.
i actually thought of just get into some where to study canle.
i lost the motivation, i cant find them in my family.
i needed love, rem? i gained confidence through the support of the people who i love.
when they dont believe tat i am goin to get to a uni, i thought maybe tats it. tats
how long i can go in my school life.
....
i rem when i am being top in primary school is because i am moving towards wat my cousin think i can do. he gives me the image of my pretty future where i can see my self graduating in university. but i lost the support since he went back to china. my parents don believe i can go far. n i just think so too.
......


well, i am not a sporty girl, not a attractive girl, not a adventurous type.
i am afraid, terrified of height (cos being pushed down during sec 3 camp(flying fox)
i cant swim, cos nearly drowned...
i cant wear bikini, cos i don wan to laugh at myself first.
i cant go clubbing, cos all i can do is sit there n look at those slim bodies dancing there.
N i cant drink... saddest of all.
i cant ride bicycle, cos i fall down(over the big stone) with my father when i am a kid.
i cant do anything outdoor. OK! i can walk, play badminton, throw ball and hit by the ball.
.........
few days more i am turning 20,
then i am getting married,
then i am going to be mother, grandmother... then i will
say bb.
but before i get married, i wanted to achieve something.
anything tat i can achieve needs some confidence.
....
oh ya till now i haven get the chance to go other countries by myself.
i only went to china(hometown) n singapore.whahahha...
.....
now i am studying in poly year 2, going to year 3 very soon(2months more)
then i am 21, whahahah. sians.
after am over 20, don think u will heard me mentioning about my age le.
k. don ask me hoh.


LOTES OF CONFIDENCE FOR MYSELF

counting down to 2009!!!

Counting down to 2009!!!

Today is the last day of 2008,
though dear feel tired after 4 full days of work,
he still make the attempt to meet me for dinner.
Really happy to have him with mii today.
But just didnt end the day with him nicely,
i just ended with gloomy face and giving the excuse tat i am just tired.
I also dono y, maybe i feel his tiredness ba.

Am i too childish? Y do i need to have someone to be with me
for every festivals or days tat people are celebrating.
this will be the last year tat i am happy celebrating ba,
next year, nope, its next month i am turning 20.

i don think i will be pulling people to celebrate with mii le.
Dear i just feel lonely inside when i am not able to find someone to celebrate some special days with me. I am not being not understandable.
but i think i understand le, next time don force urself to celebrate with mii,
if u are tired just tell mii. Don bother my emoness.

-------

2009 is approaching, 7 min to 10.30pm
didnt bother to go down to alif with friends
i am home now, alone...
too late, don bother to do anything...
don ask mii go down cos i am plain xxxx
mmm

i rem 2007 new year eve i celebrated
with yam n hua at alif.
we chat chat chat chat till we didnt notice the year 2008 arrived.
hahahhaha.
:)

now 2009 is arriving,
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE WHO IS READING THIS POST

N HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE I LOVE, ALL E BEST TO EVERYTHING WE DO!!

PS: I LOVE DEAR

..............................................

TO THE NEW 2009
I WISH TO HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE
AND KICK ALL MY BAD HABITS