Last day of emptiness

Last day of emptiness

Dear coming back today, later go fetch him in e evening.
Last night when he called, i am kind of sad to hear his voice.
I feel bad, he sound so sick and yet i make him worry and not happy.

Just thought that maybe will join the Alif group of friends after work at the coffeeshop.
But didnt tell Dear about it, but at least i tell him e truth when he call.
I know its not very nice for me to hang out with a group of guys so late,
but seriously i view them as friends rather than guys... lol...
Maybe i should really change my mindset now le...
I cant treat guys just like how i treat my girlfriends, there is still a barrier there...
Though everyone talk about trust of opposite partners, but there should still have basic
respect for each other. If not wife will hang out at guy friends house though she is married, and girls who are attached will stay out with guy friends out late at night.
Trust is one thing, but respect is another thing that love should covered.
Miss dear a lot...

-------------------------------

Now workin on my proposed idea for teacher's day celebration in school
Thought of the voting system and wishes with hand prints on a big piece of white cloth for
all students to participate.
Still workin on it...
But school only opens after Teacher's day which falls on first of sept.
I hope my work wont be wasted the worth.

(18th birth)

Misses

Misses-2nd day without u






Dear just called me, on phone with him.
If its not Vincent de phone which he use, i wouldnt have hang up.
I really miss his voice. Its e first time i hear his voice today.
I miss him, told him tat i would go fetch him on thurs when he come back.
I wan to hug him e first thing he come back.
Dear sick le... really worry about him.
I know its me tat spread the flu to him de,
before he go Malaysia, he is already sick le.
Hope he take care of himself...

Luckily he is not far away from me. we stil at the same block in our new class.
just now sms with dear, then i tell him tat he same class with one of our girl in our class and other people who he
may knew before de...
thought he will joke with mii or wat. cos i everytime say he n this girl more compatible.
but i am touched with his reply.
cos he reply mii this
"Is my class far from you"

I miss dear...
My second day without you...

Different class le

Different class le

I cant describe how i feel now, just seen the new class now.
Leo had already come out with the new class names le.
I am in different class with Dear le.
I am sad.

Same class as Jeremiah and Wanglu (from my previous class de)
And still have XueWei(my secondary and primary friend)
how will my new class be...
haiz...

Thats how we met :)

Tats how we met :)

The class we met- E66N

From strangers to classmates.
Then we(this group of friends) always hang out after school and have break together.
And the story went on until one day i dint even realize i had like you.
I think i only realize this when you went off with ur previous female classmate
during break time when u are suppose to be going with us to have our lunch.
And first time i feel the jealousy in myself.
And i dint realize you also start to like me at tat period of time, and both of us also dono how come we like each other over time.
I still thinking what draw us together neh...

A day without you!!!

A day without you!!!




Today is Monday, thought that everyone Monday blue so the sales wont be so good.
But not so bad, still manage to get more than 300 bucks sales.
Jeremiah came and look for me in the afternoon, he says he too bored at home.
Hiaz... really dono how my day went by de.
I really hope to have many customers today, so as to divert my attention from thinkin of Dear.
Good that Jeremiah came down, at least time pass faster.

Now i am home and i am really very tired...
Dear not able to use his own phone in Malaysia there, so can only through Vincent de phone to contact Dear. Just now reach home, sent msg to Dear to tell him i reach home le.
Thats what Dear ask me to do, to report to him everyday when i reach home.
But i think 2moro i wont be doin tat ba. cos its still Vincent de phone. I dont think its very nice to
use his phone also. Need to pay extra overseas de ma. Thought Dear will buy a card there to contact me, so will be more convinient, can call him also. but he didnt... haiz... What is he doin there now ah? Sleep le ma?
Haiz... Just feel that there is something missing, dear have not sent mii home for 2 days le.

2moro is another day... goiing to school for the council meeting... but wat am i goin to do after e meeting... I need sleep... think i will go home ba...

our Sat treat

Our Sat Treat/ My Treat




This sat dear bring me out to Raffles City, suppose to be our last day together
before Dear go Malaysia.
Dear treated me to New York New York restaurant,
he dont really think its up to 3 stars standard...cos of their way of service.
Ok, tats not e point... hahaha..
Dear ordered pork ribs... i ate it with dear ... nice nice
& i ordered teriyaki chicken steak.




Mmmm.. i ordered white chocolate Mocha (3 layers) and Dear have root beer...
But i wan to have a taste on Dear do de 7 layers Mocha... Do i get e chance?
after our meal, we ordered a set of ice cream with waffle. mmmm... Yummy.
E way dear cut the waffle with the ice cream makes me sing out happy birthday song to him unintentionally. hahaha... opps...

Dear spent near 60 bucks on our New York New York meal, luckily didnt listen to him to order another set of of crab meal with sea food.... lol... I think we will end up washin plates for the restrauant to pay for our bills. Thanks dear for the meal... so filling...We didnt even think of food when its dinner time. haha..

After that we went to play pool, so long didnt play le... paid for one hour, but only play a while.
Dear say very boring, can do other things de.
So we left loh...

To catch a movie at AMK hub... only 6 audience in the theater (inclusive of us)...
We watch this comedy show "Meet Dave"
Mii wanted to watch one of the Singapore movie.
" 12 lotus or e money not enough".
But dear say he dont support Singapore done movie, cos not worth the watch...
though kind of sad not to watch 12 lotus...
After watchin Meet Dave, i find it rather worth it... its an intersting show...

After the movie, its raining outside le... Rather late le... after walkin around the area, we lack of ideas what to do next, so thought of takin train home...
On train, Dear receive Jeremiah call for a drink...
in e end we end up meeting him at one of yishun coffeeshop, the guys drink but i am not allowed to touch... we chat and drink and watch the Olympic live show on the coffeeshop's TV.
Had quite a late night chatting with Jeremiah...
zzz.... tired but thinking its e last day with Dear, i rather we stay a little longer... but we still
have to take the last train into consideration de.
So left Jeremiah to take train at 11.15pm...
so thought of goin home le

Different turnout of my holiday

Different turnout of my holiday

Planned to fully use up my 2 and half week of school holiday for work.
Aimed to earn near to 1000 bucks for this month.
But now my target is gettin further and further away.

there are times where i want to spent time with Dear rather than go work.
It is just depressing to think that i will be in e different class with dear when our holiday ends.
It will means we are gettin lesser time together le.
Dear may have thought i really value money a lot, i realize this when he asks mii this once.
" you really need money ah"
Dear, its not about work which i think al the time, same as you, i also really wanted to have more time with u.
It wouldn't be lesser than the times you think.

This week actually only off tues and thurs... the rest of the days all work.
Tues off cos i am having Council meeting in school from 12 to 2pm.
Thurs off cos Dear is comin back From Malaysia. Promise him to take off de.
In e end, i realise i have another Training session under my IG e Project(Woodland care corner), suppose to have counciling training session that day on Friday. So quickly told boss about it.
Then i realise i am suppose to meet Qiao Min, WenChong and Serene for dinner on Sat.
Celebrating her moving house and a nice meet up. Its a long time we meet out le. times passes...

So in e end, boss say cant help me cos she needs people to work for full day, cant for half day only.
So addition to my 2 off days, i got another 2 extra off days.
So i off on tue, thurs, fri and sat.
WOW!!!

So to conclude, i only work 3 days this coming week.

Another week ahead

Another week ahead

Tomoro is another Monday, second week of my school holiday.
I start it with workin...
2moro will be working, but different from today, i will be workin at bishan 2moro.

mmm..
Actually a bit of change of workplace from Raffles city to BiShan seems to be fine with me.
Workin at e same place seems to be depressing, same as my lifestyle in RP.
haiz...
holiday comes, school starts, new class with totally new bunch of classmates, tests comes, projects comes, meetings coming, proposals, camps, CCA project, holiday comes, school starts, new class with totally new bunch of classmates, major projects comes and life goes on.

Went back to secondary school on friday with Shan, Ting, Cherly, Leng, Sandra.
Did i ever mention to them everytime they talk about the process of their poly life to our ex teachers, i am numb, prayin tat my ex teachers wont ask me.
at that point of time, i hope everyone just carry on e conversation, carry on with their plannin of their poly. with their attachments and projects.
Attachments? I am not having tat... I dont even dare to mention that.
I should be havin tat.
every moment i think of that, i would realise my life had turned upside down.
How to tell my friends, i am not havin a relaxin time though i seems to be e lucky one with out worries about attachements and projects and exams.
Everytime they discuss about how tense are they recently due to their exams,
comparing about their course, their attachments, their results.
I am shut off... shut off. shut off to the max.





I wanted that, all i wanted is to have all those you all have.
I wanted to be studyin for the exams, stressin over attachments, stressin over the marks i have.
But all this is gone, i cant have it. I have no one to share with me about the progress. cos i cant find anything compatible between us this group of girls. I can see, can feel the way you all feel when you all discuss about school work and school life. sometimes i can see that you all wan to join me in your discussions, but just dono how to do that and whether it is a good thing not.
how to join mi in? " how is your studies in RP? how is your results? what you all doin now in school ah?" Noop... its not your faults, its mine. its my self wantin to shut off from you guys every time when come to discussion with "hows your school, hows your life". cos e questions which i listed above is what i am askin myself everyday.





last sat i finally say everything out with Dear. I thought he will just say things to stop me from thinkin all this unneccesary thoughts, but he didnt. Dear listened to all, helping me to find a better way of understanding my situation. "why should i be worrying about my future, what i wanted to do when i have not really hve the target which i want to meet" Dear told me to give myself time, i should give myself time to find my target, before dashing anyhow without direction forwards and complaining i have achieve nothing.
how is it possible to achieve anything when there is no target set infront of me. Thanks dear to be with me, sorry when i say my life is upside down now.

Pure love

Pure love



Too much thought for today.
Dear off to Ben house with Vincent in e evening today,
came with Vincent to my workplace today.
It is e last chance.
Last touch, Last kiss, Last look in his eyes, Last hug.
I am goin to miss him for almost 4 days.
Dear will be leaving for Malaysia with the guys.
I thought, really thought i dont mind a little space between us.
I thought i wont mind him not by my side for 4 days.

I am wrong, totally wrong.
I cant stop huggin him before he left,
after he left, my eyes gets so warmed that i realize i am crying.
I cant believe how much our love becomes.

On phone with dear after work, I feel happy to hear his voice.
When i told him i thought i had become dependent on him le.
dependent on him accompany work, sent mii home, hug mii before i went home.
Dear actually ask me back, dont i think it is a good thing that we both had become
dependent on each other.
I have a very deep thought on that.

When reach home, mom start to 'lecture' me about boyfriend topic.
About compatible, about future, about trustworthy.
Dear called me when i sms him about this.
When chatting, i realize and feel how much he treasure our relationship.
He is not only looking into our love, but also the acceptance of my parents.
He is worried, and i felt really sorry about it.
I really wanted him to know that it is not that he is not good, its just the acceptance of
my parents is different.

Dear, our love will prove it.
I will remember everything you say tonight, every messages and every bits of your thoughts.
Same as you, i cant imagine me loving another guy more like you in my life.
Thanks for the promises you made, I will keep it... keep it safe in my heart.
whether we are meant for each other, time will prove it.
I love you love me.
Believe me, i really really feel your love.





Hope you enjoy your trip ahead.
Now i understand your feeling when u get angry when i told you i am goin for another camp le.
We had a far way to go from here.
Misses.

Happy 3 months anniversary

Happy 3 months anniversary






Just receive dear e msg wishing me happy 3 months.
I smiled... Smiled at e times which we enjoyed together.

Same as usual, dear come look for me after work. I am
So tired today and seriously no mood to work and pretend to enjoy
promoting to the customers.

Haiz, i am comparing with dear about our pay and working hours on phone today.
And obviously i lose in both.
I work more hours with lesser pay each hour.
Dear stil laugh at me, mii already feel very sianz le.
Whahahaha... Haiz. I also want a better job ah.

Luckily today's sales is more than 200, if not i sure cant close the shop.
lol. just joking, will still close as usual. (Especially i have a timer with me (Dear)).
When comes to closing, he is always so looking forward to it.
Reminding and counting down for me. LOL.

*just want to write down a bit of what i feel today
(dear, i am nt emoing, just wan to type out)

I also dono why i dislike people who shouts or scold me. Since young,
i would always cry when people do that to me. Maybe become a habit le ba.

Everyone have their bad points, and it includes me. It had become a habit from young to
keep my feelings or unhappiness to myself.
In e end i will be showing black faces to everyone,
and they will start to become restles with this, not knowing what wents wrong.
I am learning to change this, especially when this had causes problem between dear and me.

N

HAPPY 3 MONTHS TO BOTH OF US.
11/08/08

TO DEAR: I LOVE YOU!!!

I love you

I love you






There is no sentences or story to describe my feelings for you.
I have only 3 words.
Tat is I LOVE YOU.

Quarrels seems so common for us,
and we learned from them.
Each time we resolved our misunderstanding,
I love you more.
Its you who is always willing to give me the chance
to resolve our quarrels.
There are so many times when i just want to go off
with out solving our quarrels or misunderstanding.
Its you who give us e chance to understand each other more.


2moro will be 11th of August, we had being together for 3 months le.
Remember i once told you that i dont really
think we can last for even 3 weeks to 1 month?
Well, now i know its because i dont trust myself.
I trust you more in this relationship then myself,
its you who makes me increase my trust in this relationship.

Failures before tend to build up a barrier in me,
but I have found you now.
Your love makes me gain back the trust which i am lookin for all the while.
Your love makes me love you more.
I have learned something in our love.
I rem myself doubting on whether we are compatible before.
But now i know it is not about whether both of us are compatible,
its whether we see our self meant for each other.
No matter what different things we may be doing,
but we are both thinking of each other.
Its all about understanding.
And i am still learning.

I feel very sorry to rem wrongly of the date that we get together again.
N i know i had said it wrong for more than once,
no wonder you get angry.
How can i forget that!
I am sorry.

Thanks dear for bringing me to marina bay tonight for e firework.
Its really really a very very special night with you.
finding the best spot, i almost get the full view of the firework.
I have you by my side.
I will rem the sentence that you said to me.
I WILL KEEP IT FOREVER!
*you will be .... ....

Not only is the firework memorable, but pushing ourselves
out to take the train is e best part.
I am touched.
How tight are our hands together?
(opps, i think its me grabbing on to you! lol. cnt remember. haha)
When you lead me out, squeezing through the crowds, i smiled.
Maybe that's e feeling of being protected ba.

2moro both of us are having work. And i am suppose to sleep le,
but just cant get to sleep. So here i am typing down bits and bits of my feelings.